I can’t believe that at the end of this week it will be Mother’s Day, it’s come around so fast, where is this year going? Whilst we all have our own take on the holiday, and celebrate it in a variation of ways, it’s safe to say that the majority of us do acknowledge the day. Maybe we spoil our Mom’s or Grandmother’s, or maybe we’re the ones being cherished as we’re a Mom ourselves. However you choose to commemorate the day, I wanted to take the opportunity today to reflect on celebrating Mother’s Day now I’m a mother.
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Way back when.. Okay, a few years…
A few years ago Mother’s Day, for me, was all about spoiling my Mom rotten. It was her day and being the most important person in my world, not only did I want to spend time with her, but I wanted to lavish her in gifts, too. Yes I know it’s not all about the gifts, I’ve actually recently written a post about celebrating it in other ways (if you’re looking for alternative ways to celebrate or cheap but cheerful gifts, check out my post here), however, I enjoy treating my Mom. For me it’s never been about the commercialism or buying her things for the sake of it. When selecting gifts for any occasion I put thought into what I’m buying and will choose things for meaning and/or usefulness. Giving gifts to others is a gift in itself for me!
Since becoming a Mom myself it’s now my day too, so just what does that mean? Well, I don’t want to be doing the dishes, that’s for sure! Unfortunately Autumn’s still a little young to be taking on that one for me though. Dammit. 😛
Fast forward to now..
This year will be my second Mother’s Day and I’m looking forward to taking the day off from work and as many household duties as is possible. I’ll be doing the bare minimal, relaxing and making memories with my two favourite ladies, my Mom and my daughter.
It will also be the first Mother’s day without my Nanna, and that’s going to be crushing for all of us, though she definitely won’t be far from our thoughts. I’ll be celebrating for her, too!
I’m really looking forward to switching off from social media and indulging in a little self care, letting the usual everyday stresses melt away. A nice little novelty will be being fully present in the moment. Bliss.
What it means for me as a Mom.
Being able to switch off from the tediousness of the everyday means a few things. Not only will I be able to relax and have some well deserved time off, but I’ll use it for reflection, too. I’ll reflect on my time as Mom so far, cherishing the memories of the last eighteen months and being thankful for my beautiful girl. I’ll also be proud of myself, for all that I’ve achieved in that time as a single parent. I’m not saying I’ve had the worst journey (there’s always someone out there worse off), but that’s not to discredit what I’ve been through. It’s not been a walk in the park with some of the challenges I’ve faced, but I’ve done it and I’ve done it alone. Yes being a single Mom can be hard but it’s doable and damn well worth it.
Of course it also means no cooking or washing up, sorry but, I refuse! It will be a pizza in the oven job with a chilled out pamper and DVD evening, all three of us snuggled in our PJs. I’m banning all social media and communication with the outside world. I don’t take time off enough so I’m thrilled by this intention.
This is where you come in..
Everyone loves to judge Mom’s, even other Mom’s themselves! So, right here is a golden opportunity for anyone to do so! Maybe some assumptions will be debunked, theories explained and a few light bulb moments may go off. I’m hosting a Q&A! I’ve had some amazing questions that I can’t wait to answer.
Remember that parenting and motherhood is different for all of us. Please don’t discriminate or judge another’s situation or choices because they differ from your own. What works for you, or me, might not for someone else and that’s okay! That’s more than okay it’s completely normal. Are you maybe judging somebody else as a result of your own perceived shortcomings? Right – onto the good stuff!
1. What’s the best thing about being a Mom?
Great question but blinking hard! I’m honestly not sure how to answer this one because I have millions of answers. I think I’ll go with seeing my daughter smile and making her laugh. There’s no greater feeling than that, I’ll never get enough of knowing I can make her happy.
2. Where are you going for Mother’s Day?
I’m not, we’re staying in this year. Originally we’d planned to book a meal somewhere but it’s Mother’s Day, anywhere we go will be packed and the quality of food will be lacking. We’re instead staying home and banging a pizza in the oven or something. Anything that means no cooking and minimal washing up! A DVD and pamper night is on the cards.
3. Has becoming a Mom changed what you’re willing to blog about?
Oo I like this one! There’s nothing I’m especially unwilling to talk about, so long as I have an interest in the topic and it fits with my blog then I’ll dive right in.
I’ve always been a pretty private person (despite putting my life out on the web), I’m very safety conscious. Due to this nothing has changed as such, but I’m very careful with photos of my daughter, only posting ones where her face can’t be seen. I wrote a post about that recently.
4. How do you get your sex drive back after having a baby?
This was a fairly more detailed question and I’ve addressed it with the person who sent this in, so that it’s specific to her individual situation. Please note I’m not a sex therapist nor do I have a medical background, please see my full disclaimer.
Personally this was never a problem for me, as my ex ran out on my daughter and I whilst I was still pregnant, so, yeah! I now live the life of a nun. Just a sweary, gin drinking nun…
This is a problem many have, though. I’d suggest trying to get to the root of the issue.. Is it maybe because you’re still recovering from a C-section? Is it that you feel more self conscious about your body since having a child? A touch of post-natal depression? Maybe you’re simply tired and feel you don’t have the time? What I’d say is please don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Sex should be something that’s fun and enjoyable, stress will be the biggest libido killer. Find the root, look at ways to remove whatever is effecting your sex drive and just start slow, don’t rush it. You’ll be ready when you’re ready. We’re all different. P.S, This could be the perfect excuse to treat yourself to a shopping spree, who doesn’t love some new lingerie? That might even do the trick, you never know!
5. What is something you’d recommend to a new mother?
I’m not saying this to judge anyone who does differently to me, however I’d think VERY carefully about putting the baby’s father on the birth certificate if you’ve any reason to believe they may pose a risk or a particular problem further down the line. I also feel in this day and age that naming your child with your surname is a very good call. Guys are great at running out on their responsibilities, before you know it you’ve three kids to different Dad’s and not one of those children has the same surname, not one of them has your name. Unless you’re married to your partner I’d honestly suggest going with your name. Especially if he’s not on the birth certificate.
In general, to take what other people say with a pinch of salt. You know your own baby better than anyone else. Unfortunately there will always be people around ready to judge you and tell you how to parent your own child. They’re clearly lacking something in their own ability hence feeling the need to put your parenting underneath a magnifying glass. You’re doing great. Take all the time you need to bond with your baby and cherish your time together.
6. How do you decide on the perfect name?
Well I had quite a list of names that I liked, all of which my ex hated because they were, in his words “hooker names”, so, yeah. I came up with Autumn and it’s the first name he actually liked, her middle name is my Mom’s name. This is something I planned on doing no matter what her first name would have been. It just turns out that luckily, Autumn was born in the Fall, so, yay!
I’d say don’t rush it, get together a list of names you like the sound of and go from there. Personally I like names that are more unique. Having five children in a class with the same name isn’t my style. This one is hugely down to personal preference. Everyone’s idea of the perfect name is going to be different.
7. How do you balance parenting and a social life?
Ha ha, what’s a social life? Parenting isn’t even the problem for me, it’s work! I’m a workaholic, also a bit of a homing pigeon. Where I go, Autumn goes, so I just take her with me. I’ll only go places that are appropriate to take a child along to. Going out on a night for drinks is something I simply no longer do. True friends will understand your reasons and will find ways to meet in the middle!
Since having Autumn I like to do things spontaneously if at all possible. This is because I know right then if she’s in a good mood or not, if we’re both well and if I can honestly be bothered leaving the house. It stops my anxiety crippling me the night before. Having a social life with my friends still stands, it’s any kind of a dating life which has flown out of the window.
8. How do you deal with any stigma due to being a young, single Mom?
Shucks, thank you for that compliment. I’d hardly say I’m a young Mom, I was 25 when I had Autumn and feel like that’s kind of old these days to become a first time Mom!
Honestly I don’t care about any stigma surrounding single Mom’s. Anyone that judges us is clearly narrow minded and doesn’t have much of a life, they’re not my kind of people! It really helps that my Mom was a single Mom so I’ve always favoured them anyway. I feel that if we’re truly happy and at peace with something then other’s opinions on that topic won’t get to you. Love yourself and own your situation! I’m actually proud to be a single Mom, I don’t need a guy to share the load, I can do it on my own. I loved my daughter from the start and will always provide for her. She’s my greatest achievement.
I hope you’ve enjoyed getting to know a little more about me as a Mom. Thank you for joining me on this reflective journey. Are you a Mom – how did the holiday celebrations change for you? How will you be spending your day? Thank you also to those of you who sent in your questions. If you have more you can always get in touch with them, as there’s always plenty more opportunities to get involved in future Q&A’s.
Please respect one another. We’re all different and do things or celebrate in a variety of ways. It’s not up to you to judge other’s. Keep the focus on yourself and your own life.
A final thought..
Your Mom is your Mom, your only one. There’s no greater sacrifice another will ever give you, than your Mom will. Nobody will ever love you in the same unconditional way than her. One day you’ll lose her so please, cherish her before it’s too late.